do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
