Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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