she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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