There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
