They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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