i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
