I love watching others lives come down to our level.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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