So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
