i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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