Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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