Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
