i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize