We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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