I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I wish you could order shots online.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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