i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
