I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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