Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
