How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
