Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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