Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize