winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
