this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
