Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
