Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
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