D3 body, D1 cock
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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