Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
