Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
