I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
operation harelip BJ is a go
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
