can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Randomize
