Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
