your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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