the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
