i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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