You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
