I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
