Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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