We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i think i have two assholes
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
