bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
so let's talk penis.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
