Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I forget how to act sober
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
