U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
