When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
