I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
