Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
