I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I'm always down for nudity.
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