It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
