I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
