he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
