In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
