im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Randomize
