you guys were way drunker than both of me
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Sorry my hands just texted you
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
