why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
