U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
