Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
