As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
