I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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