she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
