her vagine was all disorganized.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
