I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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