8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
now i know why i became what i already was.
love makes seman taste better
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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