Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
