i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
my shit smells like andre
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
