i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
