i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
