hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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