Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
