i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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