What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
