I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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