I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
