craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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