my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
