I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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