I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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